My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
