So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
