I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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