When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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