Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Couch. On fire.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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