i used baking grease as lip gloss
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
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