it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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