my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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