Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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