You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
