I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
