i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
