i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
