mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
