I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
