We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
