i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
