i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
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