just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
