Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I have post one night stand depression
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
