maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
