you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
