sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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