3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
