Only a mothe r could love this liver
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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