If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
