I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
