Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
