proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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