I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Can vaginas get frostbite?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
