Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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