you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
