I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
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