i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
