i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
