At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Randomize
