is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize
