..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
