Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
