I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
