Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
