Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
