I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
