I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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