I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
