Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I need to align my fucking chakras
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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