I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
