Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
