my soul wont recognize me after tonight
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
