she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
