he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
