I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
