Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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