I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
